#metoo

By now we have all seen the #metoo statuses on Facebook, the heart wrenching hashtag that may be accompanied by a simple statement, anecdote or possibly nothing at all.  But we all know that it means that person has been sexually harassed or assaulted.  The first day I saw this circulating, I simply posted #metoo.  No anecdote included.  This wasn’t because I didn’t want to go into detail; but simply because it has happened so many times that I couldn’t pick just one incident to speak about.  I know a long list of women who feel this way.  I had just accepted this to be our story as women.  Our truth.  Our collective experience.

I felt hardened to it.  What I mean is that when I reminisced on the infractions, large or relatively small, the pain just didn’t come.  I am a master of deflecting pain with humor.  I knew I was a victim, I just didn’t feel like one. That was until I saw an online news source post an article calling for women to fight back physically against their attackers.  I suddenly became nauseated and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I fell apart.  Anger and pain began to surface that I had never acknowledged before.

Within my first few weeks of college, my teammates and I went to a school sponsored dance on school property.  Many of the other sports teams were going and the older girls on the team thought this would be a fun way for us to meet people in a social setting and not have to be involved in the “party scene”.  I was dancing with a football player when one of his teammates came up to me, grabbed my waist and pulled me into him.  I did not appreciate what had happened, so I pulled away and walked off.  I then felt a slap across the back of my head.  He had hit me.  I turned, looked him in the face and pushed him.  I told him not to ever do that to me again.  He then closed-fist- full-grown-man-strength, punched me in the mouth.  My head snapped back and I tasted blood.  I took a few seconds to register what had happened to me and then we were brawling on the floor.  Not a ladylike reaction. But I wasn’t interested in being ladylike.  I was interested in letting him know that he couldn’t get away with treating me that way.  The police were called and he took off running.  Some male students subdued him until the police got there.  He was arrested (I assume) and I was taken to the emergency room. 

This incident is not what I cried about.  The fact that a man was so angry that I wouldn’t let him control my body that he felt the need to hit me is not what made me fall apart.  The scar on my lip that is permanently tender is not what I push down inside and ignore.  It’s what happened next that still breaks my heart.  It’s that when my coach took me to the assistant district attorney to discuss the case, my coach pressured me to drop the charges because “If something like this gets in the paper, it could be bad for the program”.  What I still feel to this day is betrayal in that even though the ADA told me not to feel intimidated and pressured because he would stand by my side as I pursued the case without my coaches’ support…I never heard from him again after our initial conversation.  What sickens me is the way the police kept trying to find a way to turn the attack into a domestic violence incident with their line of questioning because they wanted to sweep it under the rug as a personal issue and not a crime.   I recall the hollowness I felt when the head football coach came to me and said that this was a kid from a troubled home that needed extra support and that he felt he could help change his life if he kept him on the team and out of jail.  The only visible punishment given to my attacker was a forced apology to me in front of my teammates and he made the apology to another girl because he didn’t remember me.  He didn’t even know which one of us he had hit. 

What I remember to this day is the way my attacker’s teammates harassed me for the following year.  A rumor circulated that I hit him and attacked him and that he had done nothing to me.  I remember the helplessness I felt when I confronted one of the guys who witnessed the assault and he told me he would never tell the truth because the football program is “family” and they close ranks.   I was told I was responsible for the punch I received because I pushed him away from me after he hit me the first time. I was the victim of character assassination that followed me my entire college career.

My anger stems from the fact that nobody seemed to understand that this man’s initial grabbing, pulling and grinding on me was sexual assault in its own right.  I as a person, as a woman, mattered less than a football team.  I mattered less than a basketball team.  My well-being, safety and future mattered less than a troubled kid with a bad home life with multiple infractions.  I mattered less because he was a boy.  A boy that could play football.  I fought back as people are now suggesting, and it didn’t matter.  It didn’t matter because nobody else fought for me.  No one fought alongside me.

Why are we calling on victims to physically fight back?  Why is the responsibility falling on us? Why aren’t we teaching boys what is and isn’t acceptable and appropriate behavior? And why aren’t we demanding that they are forced to deal with consequences when they cross the line?  Rather than asking victims to fight back once the wrong has been committed, can we all agree to fight back now, together, by teaching our children that this is not just a women’s issue, but a human one. #wetoo

#projectnursery Part Two!

It has been far too long my friends!  I have been a busy bee.  Since The Sickness subsided around the 5 month mark, I got busy on the nursery, baby showers, planning, parenting classes, etc.

I wanted to share the nursery progress with you.  Not 100% done but about 99% there.  That is until all of my showers are over and I have to find a place to put all the presies.

Click here to see where we left off.....

And here we are today...

The curtains are up!  They were a pain to hang but the Fella pulled it off like a champ.

God bless him.

We still need to make some cute tie-backs and steam the fabric.  Here is the changing table area....still need a changing pad.

And the soon to be full closet...

 

A few weeks ago, my amazing in-laws took us to one of our favorite places, San Antonio, and we did a little shopping for the baby.

Pomps got her this sweet little chair just like the one I had when I was little.  I have a special plan for this...

The Fella and I both love the story of the Alamo and we were happy to take baby girl on her first trip there..

 

Wonderful memories.

What do y'all think of the nursery??

Love,

tbg

#projectnursery

We got to see our little Moon Pie on the big screen last week.  She was a moving and a shaking.  However, she was upside down.  And nestled firmly in the lower left side of my uterus…and she wasn’t coming out for nothin’.  No matter how much the technician poked her and prodded her with the wand on my belly.  Moon Pie would just kick the wand and curl back up.

Here she is upside down….

 

Can’t figure out what you’re looking at?  See her spine at the top right of the picture?  Follow that to the right.  That’s her head.  The left of the spine, her hiney and then legs.  My mom and hubby came with me to see her.  It was awesome sharing that with my mom.  She was so excited. 

What else are my mom and I up to these days? Nursery decor of course!!! My amazing mother and niece scrapped the popcorn off the nursery ceiling, painted the ceiling a fresh white, painted the walls a beautiful pale pink, painted the interior of the closet and it's shelves a bright white as well as all of the trim, base boards, molding and doors. How awesome are they?  Very.

Before:

Here is the ceiling after: See the difference in the wall white and the ceiling white? The celling looks so fresh and so clean.

And here are the walls after:

We don't have the overhead lighting up yet so it is tough to get an accurate picture of the color of the walls.  Right now we are also waiting on the curtains.  A neighbor is making them for us.  Here is the fabric.

The curtains were the one big price item for the room but I thought the fabric was worth every penny.  And when I say big price I mean around two hundred for the fabric, blackout material for behind the fabric and the price to have them made.  Y'all know me.  I do things inexpensively.

We are going for an urban bohemian feel in the room.  Sort of a feminine, world traveler with clean lines.  A few weeks ago my uncle passed away.  He was an attorney by trade but he was an amazing artist and photographer.  My aunt gave me a copy of one of my favorite prints of his.  I just woke up one morning and realized that this beautiful print should be the inspiration and focal point for the nursery.

It is hard to tell from the picture but the woman's dress is an aubergine and so is the mat around the print.  A beautiful deep, navyish purple.  It looks black in the picture.  I LOVE HER SO.

Here is a quick peek at my favorite project so far, this little beauty of a dresser/changing table.

Here she was as we found her...

She was pretty beat up but had very promising lines. I will do a how-to on her soon.

Here are few more pics of sweet little details around the room.

More on these later.  This week the curtains should be done and we will get them hung as soon as they enter the house.  I cannot wait!! 

Laters,

tbg

Let's Party Like Gatsby

This past weekend I hosted a bachelorette party for BFF. She is the most wonderful person and I wanted to give her a weekend to remember. Luckily, some other wonderful bestie's chipped in to help this distracted, exhausted preggo lady and with their help, we were able to pull off a fantastic experience.

We kicked Saturday off with champagne and a dress fitting at Lasting Bridal Couture.  The staff was very patient and sweet.

It is a very emotional thing to see your best friend in her wedding dress for the first time.

Next, we headed to brunch at Gloria's. Whenever the bestie is in town she has to have her TexMex fix.  We then spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around my house and soaking up time with girlfriends.

Around 4pm we headed to Ritz-Carlton Dallas were we had a fab suite waiting for us.

This is where my pregnancy brain kicked in. Despite weeks and weeks of planning, crafting, shopping and list making, I still managed to forget a few essentials at home. This sent me into a emotional tail-spin and luckily my gf's were there to calm me down and help me get the suite decorated. They did a fantastic job.

Here is our take on a "Party like Gatsby" bachelorette set-up.

And y'all know me....where there is a party, there is a photo-booth.

And here comes the bride......Boom!

After a few hours of food, games and booze, we headed to The Dram for some more adult bevies and dancing. One good thing about being pregnant was that I was able to be DD and make sure every got around safely.  And here is........

Didn't everyone look fantastic?  They were all such great sports and put real effort into their look.  It was a great time.  Sunday, once the bride roused, we headed to a day at the Ritz Spa.  What an amazing and relaxing experience.  The staff was so accommodating.

It was perfect.  Cheers to my best friend, my special girl, my ace boon, the Bride!

Love you Heat!

#4theWynne,

tbg

*I would also like to say thank you to all the ladies who helped make the day so special.  Y'all know who you are.  The Dram staff, you were so wonderful and worked so hard to make the bride stand out. And to the Ritz staff, who went WAY above and beyond to make this day amazing.  And thanks for the wheelchair...you know what I mean.